Now that my psychosis has cleared and I am almost two years into the recovery effort, it is hard for others to understand why I'm not immediately back up and functioning in a high-level management position as if nothing ever happened.
I recognized the young grasshopper phrase from Kung Fu, a show on television I watched when I was a child. I don’t know what prompted him to address me in such away. But my internal response was quick and powerful, this man was a government secret agent and he was delivering a message to me.
But, today, things were different. Now, I can recognize what is real and what might be a random thought or overactive imagination. I rested in peace and I was so grateful my living nightmare was over. Unfortunately, in less than one month, I would recall this meeting as one of the first attempts by the government to reinstate communication. Psychosis would return in full force and stay with me for another 2 years.
I took several photos for Instagram and Twitter. But as I took the photos, an unsettling awareness lingered throughout my body. In the near future, this uneasy discomfort would evolve, intensify, and become a part of my daily existence. It was one of the first samplings of what it feels like to live with acute psychotic delusion. Nevertheless, I carried on with my project. And as I photographed the mourners, I was certain that someone else was watching, photographing and following me from store to store.
And there I was . . . all alone in the passenger front seat. . . keys left in the ignition. My manic mind an overpowering competitor against my ability to maintain reasonable and rational thought. The possibilities were overwhelming. The temptation too powerful. And without pause, I leapt over the console into the driver’s seat, wrapped my hand around the keys in the ignition, and gave them a forceful turn. I threw the gear into drive.