A devout Christian and very kind woman, she invited me to all kinds of events. I appreciated her concern and efforts, but each ice cream and cookies social, each prayer group, and each bible verse bookmarks making session only revealed that she and her friends were complicit in this covert government operation. They were all secret agents. I could hear it in their words. I could see it in their mannerisms. It was all so blatantly evident.
I don't want your heart I don't want your soul I just want your data What's that? You say you may have deleted it? Oh that's ok, don't worry We've been collecting and saving it We've been collecting for longer than you could have ever imagined
The self imposed isolation fortified my beliefs and the conspiracies began to grow in scope and complexity. My reinforced understanding of Weirdness instilled a confidence that propelled me to start confronting people. One by one, I confronted and demanded that my family and friends reveal their true identities as a secret agents. . . .my mom, my dad, my sister, my aunt, my boyfriend, my boyfriend’s kids. .everyone. And with each denial, I became more depressed, confused and frustrated.
I recognized the young grasshopper phrase from Kung Fu, a show on television I watched when I was a child. I don’t know what prompted him to address me in such away. But my internal response was quick and powerful, this man was a government secret agent and he was delivering a message to me.
At the Tool concert, I was full blown psychotic. The environment delivered an overwhelming assemblage of “weird people” or actors and secret agents.They congregated and circulated all around me, each one purposefully placed to manipulate and deliver coded instructions.
Because of this one business card, I concluded that I would be made to defecate, bleed and urinate in front of the cult. And I believe the completion of the ritual would require that I perform humiliating in the cage. I knew the experience was engineered to break the human will and create a vulnerable demeanor complementary to execute procedures meant to forge obedience and condition the mind for control to create the disposition of eager acceptance dependant on orders and direction.
And just like the prior 3 years of living and working in psychosis, no one knew the hidden truth. No one suspected the depth and pain of my internal struggles. No one had an inkling that I passed the weekend away in a hospital mental ward. And no one would have ever fathomed that I believed the entire business was a government front and that most of the employees were secret agents.