I will never forget the day it beganl April 2012. The day that psychosis invaded my life and would reside with me for 6 entire years. At the time, I had no idea what was happening nor how it would become the controlling, all encompassing domination that would ultimately cripple my life as I knew it. It would render me useless as a functioning wife and friend, a productive member of the working economy, and strip away all of my social confidence. This day was the beginning of the end of my marriage, the end of my volunteer participation, and the end of my career. It was the end of my life as a sane person.
I never wore my seatbelt. My refusal to wear one was for no particular cause or reason. I was simply a rebel without a reason. I could be that way sometimes. Because the law existed, I wanted to break it. Silly, but true.
I remember I had stopped at a red light. Casually glancing around to the other lanes and the people surrounding me when I noticed something peculiar. All of the neighboring drivers were positioned identically.. Their form was unquestionably identical. They looked as if they were mirroring each other. But most surprising was the realization that I was sitting in the exact same way. We all had our left arm propped on the driver’s side window sill. Our right arms were extended straight forward and gripping the top of the steering wheel.
I might have simply been amused at the coincidence but things became intensely more bizarre. The spectacle evolved from being coincidentally to bewildering. Evoking well directed choreography, simultaneously each driver crooked their left arm behind their shoulder and began jerking on their seat belt. They jerked and pulled in movements that seemed dramatic and overly animated and maintained the motion for several minutes.
My stomach dropped. I didn’t know it then, but I was experiencing psychosis for the first time. Without prompting from any outside source, my brain leaped intuitively. I recognized that this odd experience was deliberate and specifically designed for me. I believed that whomever these people were, they were there to deliver a message. This anonymous group of neighboring drivers were directing me to put on my seatbelt.
Shaken, perplexed, and awestruck, the light turned green I resumed the drive to my destination. In the days to come, I continued to purposefully neglect to wear my seatbelt. And the same occurrences happened again and again.
The seatbelt people began appearing at all times whether or not I was in my car. They appeared at every stop light. They emerged beside me as I was driving. They drove past me as I stood on a street corner. I was anxious and emboldened at the same time. The more they infiltrated and surrounded my life, the more I resigned myself to remain seatbelt free.
After several days of rebelliously ignoring the seatbelt people, a police car suddenly pulled in front of me at a traffic stop. Across the back window of the car, in bold cartoonish vinyl lettering, were the words “THE SEATBELT POLICE.”
To this day, I question whether or not what I saw was a hallucination. I have googled “the seatbelt police” and the search yields nothing. I had never seen in the past, nor have I seen since “The Seatbelt Police.” But what I saw, or thought I saw, was enough to get me to start wearing my seatbelt. And the seatbelt people disappeared.
And with these mysterious, unexplained encounters my brain ushered in and embraced a pervasive and disturbing new resident, psychosis.Psychosis led me to deduct, with unwavering belief, that I was being closed watched by the government or some other unknown secret organization.
Later, the psychosis would evolve to include my recognition that I was a test tube baby created in a government lab. As part of the CIA’s clandestine MK Ultra program, I was classified as a top secret military weapon. In order to hide the operation in plain sight, secret codes and symbols would be my only means of communication. All messages and directives would be delivered by embedding symbols and code into casual English language, public signage, lyrics to music, television shows and commercials, movies, and frequencies that transfer information through voices inside my head. I accepted and understood they could not and would never speak with me directly.
This was my first day of insanity. I would go on to live with psychosis for the next 6 years.